level 10: death

I've just entered the tenth level of the waterfall. And coming up from level nine is quite a straightforward matter. And that thought was just passing through my mind when I stepped on a rock and it tilted, and I almost lost my footing. I could easily have twisted an ankle and been in real trouble. And I had to laugh at myself. We can relax into a space of trust on our journey in life. But if we ever think we know it, if we ever think we know what's going to happen, how it's going to be, we are misleading ourself.

Life is always unknown. And when we make the mistake of thinking we know, life will surely remind us that we do not. And what I finally came to realise is, this journey of life is not about knowing. You know, for so long, I was trying to know. I was trying to get a better and better understanding of life. And what I finally realised was that's not the way life works. And what we need to do, to really live life, is to let go into the space of not knowing. And then life, moment to moment, suddenly becomes a rich adventure indeed. Just as coming up this waterfall valley is, every time, a new adventure for me.

I'm going to walk on up this tenth level. The gradient has eased off even more. It's about the flattest level of the whole waterfall adventure. And as I walk on the rocks, feeling them underfoot, I can feel a little bit of my being letting go. It's a sort of relaxation. With that relaxation, it's as if I make better contact with life, with what's around me, with the experience life is offering me.

I need to stop recording for a moment. I've come to a beautiful little place where there's quite a deep pool, and I have to plunge in. This time, I'll have to hold my bag out of the water to keep this microphone dry. And luckily, there's a wooden tree trunk, wedged in under a rock, and I can cling onto that and sort of hang off it in the water, move across the pool that way. So, a brief pause.

I've come a little further up level ten now – passing through that beautiful plunge pool with the tree trunk; and another pool; a couple of nice scrambling moves. But I've been stopped in my track, because now I'm approaching the top of level ten, where there is the most glorious waterfall. But from where I'm standing now, there's a rainbow in the middle of it, a spectrum, it's indescribably beautiful. It literally stopped me in my tracks and brought forth an exclamation of wonder and awe and joy. It's as if the beauty of it was washing through me.

I love these moments in life, where the sheer beauty of life, it just stops me – not just physically stops me in my movement, but I stop being, psychologically at least, and there is just beauty, no longer any me in it. And this ending of the sense of I, the psychological death, is what this spiritual journey is all about. And that's one reason why I've used the label death for this tenth level of the waterfall.

You know, in the last level I was contemplating peace, and perhaps that's what we feel we're looking for on the spiritual journey: inner peace. But to really be at peace in the world, we need to let go of this sense of self. And there's a part of us that just doesn't want to do that. So in the end, it's down to the grace of god, good fortune, existence, karma. Put it how you will, but we have to accept, there comes a point when we are no longer in control, and indeed, we never were.

I'm moving on up through a lot of kind of paddling pools, walking on rocks, in the cool water of level ten. And now, finally, I'm coming to the great pool at the top of the tenth level of the waterfall.

This is really where I finish recording. In a moment, I will switch off the audio recorder and plunge into this pool, swim across it, and probably clamber out onto the rocks at the far end, to stand in the waterfall under the rainbow, which I can still see. This is only about the fourth time I've made it this far up the valley. It's as far as I've ever been, and I'm pretty certain it's as far as I will ever go.

When I first came here, I was so bewitched by the beauty of the waterfall, I had been standing here for some minutes gazing at it, before I looked down into the pool of water, and saw a dead body, a human body. That's another reason why I associate this level of the waterfall with death. It somehow seemed fitting. The body had clearly been there for some time. It was almost completely submerged, but a patch of the back was exposed, and the skin there had been bleached completely white.

Death – the dangers of this waterfall adventure bring death quite close. And somehow I feel that's beneficial on our spiritual journey: to always remember that this life is short, death can come at any time. And it's really up to us to make the most of this wonderful gift of life. And for me, that is what the spiritual journey is all about – going ever deeper into life, making the most of every day, every moment. And with this, I will leave you for now.